Giving and receiving: あげる, くれる and もらう

Japanese has three verbs for giving and receiving, and the choice depends on who gives to whom. The same verbs are used for favours — someone teaching you the job, a neighbour taking in a parcel — so they are everywhere in daily life. Getting them right is also a way of showing thanks.

Who gives to whom

Verb	Direction	Example
あげる	I (or anyone) give to someone else — away from me	私は山下さんにお土産みやげをあげました
くれる	someone gives to me or my group — towards me	山下さんが私にお茶ちゃをくれました
もらう	I receive from someone	私は山下さんに本をもらいました

The key rule: くれる is only for giving towards the speaker (or the speaker’s family and group). 山下さんが私にくれました ✓, but 私が山下さんにくれました ✗. With もらう, the giver is marked with に or から: 姉にかばんをもらいました / 会社から手紙てがみをもらいました (from an organisation, use から).

Favours: 〜てあげる, 〜てくれる, 〜てもらう

Put a て-form before the same verbs to talk about favours: 山下さんが仕事を教おしえてくれました — “Mr Yamashita kindly taught me the job.” 山下さんに仕事を教おしえてもらいました — “I had Mr Yamashita teach me the job.” Both show you are grateful. Without them, 山下さんが仕事を教おしえました is just a fact and sounds cold.

Be careful with 〜てあげる towards a superior or a customer: 部長ぶちょう、荷に物を持ってあげます can sound as if you are doing them a big favour. Offer with お持ちしましょうか (lesson 27) or simply 持ちましょうか.

Asking for a favour

Turn the favour into a question: 〜てくれませんか (Won’t you … for me?) and the more polite 〜てもらえませんか (Could I have you …?). The most polite version, 〜ていただけませんか, is for customers and superiors (more in lessons 26–27).

• すみません、ゆっくり話してくれませんか — Excuse me, could you speak slowly?
• この紙かみをちょっと見てもらえませんか — Could you take a look at this form?
• 荷に物を預あずかってもらえませんか — Could you keep a parcel for me?

Polite verbs: いただく and くださる

When the other person is a superior or a customer, もらう becomes いただく and くれる becomes くださる: 部長ぶちょうにお土産みやげをいただきました, 部長ぶちょうがお土産みやげをくださいました. For now, recognise them; you will use them actively in lessons 26–27.

Omiyage after a trip

When you come back from a trip, it is common to bring a box of small sweets (お土産みやげ) for your coworkers, especially after taking days off. Leave it in the break room or hand them round: 国のお土産みやげです。みなさんでどうぞ — “It’s a souvenir from home. Please help yourselves.” When someone gives you something, say ありがとうございます。いただきます. More customs are in our Culture post omiyage and gift-giving.

Thanking a senior coworker

An original example — at the end of the first month, a worker thanks the leader who trained her:

マイ：山下さん、この一か月、仕事を教おしえてくださって、ありがとうございました。
山下：いえいえ。マイさんはよく覚おぼえてくれたので、助たすかりました。
マイ：これ、国のお土産みやげです。お茶ちゃなんですが、どうぞ。
山下：わあ、ありがとう。いただきます。

Mai: Mr Yamashita, thank you for teaching me the job this month. Yamashita: Not at all. You learned quickly, which was a big help. Mai: This is a souvenir from home. It’s tea — please. Yamashita: Oh, thank you. I’ll enjoy it.

Parcels and neighbours

If a delivery comes when you are out, you get a missed-delivery notice (不在ふざい連絡票れんらくひょう) and can ask for redelivery (再配達さいはいたつ) by phone or online. To ask a neighbour to take in a parcel: あしたの午後、荷に物が届とどくんですが、預あずかってもらえませんか. To send a parcel: 国に荷に物を送りたいんですが at the post office.

New kanji: 親, 切, 送, 持, 物

親 (parent) and 切 (to cut) make 親切 (しんせつ, kind). 親 alone is おや (a parent), and it is in 両りょう親 (りょうしん, parents). 切る (きる) is to cut; 大切 (たいせつ) is important. 送 is 送る (おくる, to send). 持 is 持つ (もつ, to hold; to have). 物 (もの) is a thing: 買い物 (かいもの, shopping), 荷に物 (にもつ, luggage; parcel).

Common mistakes

• くれる away from you: 私は友だちにくれました ✗ → あげました ✓.
• あげる towards you: 山下さんが私にあげました ✗ → くれました ✓.
• Wrong particle with もらう: 山下さんがもらいました means Mr Yamashita received. “From Mr Yamashita” is 山下さんにもらいました.
• Leaving out the favour verb when you thank someone: 教おしえました sounds cold → 教おしえてくれました ✓.
• 〜てあげます to a superior: offer with 〜ましょうか instead.

How to practise

• Write three gifts you gave or received this year, one with each verb.
• Write a thank-you message to someone who helped you, with 〜てくれて、ありがとうございました.
• Write 親, 切, 送, 持 and 物 on the worksheet and do the fill-in exercises.